cho kyuhyun : pervy perverson or professional prankster? [g]
poor zhoumi wakes up one day to find a certain groupmate's name on his buttcheek.
For korichan, because she
demandedrequested so. & because I haven't known her for that long but obviously she is teh awesome Mighty One for me to dedicate a fic to her :D
Zhoumi wakes up one morning with the feeling that something isn't exactly quite right with the world today. His head starts pounding like somebody is hitting it with a sledgehammer. He's rather disorientated, struggling to remember what happened the night before, but comes up short. Whatever he was doing, it's given him one hell of a hangover and a really sore buttcheek. Zhoumi feebly decides to set his priorities straight and take a shower first and foremost.
As he slowly slides out of bed, Han Geng comes bustling in. "Good morning, Mi!" he says, unexpectedly cheerful. Until he catches sight of Zhoumi. The smile on his face fades slightly. "Uh. Zhoumi."
"Guh?" Wow, he can't even speak properly, too. He really has to brush his teeth.
Han Geng tilts his head to the side, inspecting Zhoumi's rear worriedly, and only then does the younger realize that he's stark naked.
"Mi...why do you have Kuixian's name on your ass?"
"Why do I have Kuixian's name on my ass?!"
Three pairs of eyes zip up to meet the sight of Zhoumi bursting into the room, looking absolutely frantic, half an hour after Han Geng makes the horrifyingly interesting discovery. One pair is scandalized, another is shocked in a 'dude-I-thought-you-were-straight' way and the last is just completely clueless.
"Say what?" Donghae says, breaking the short silence.
"Uhh, Donghae, Henli, let's just go to my room," Ryeowook clears his throat awkwardly.
"Dude, I thought you were straight," Henry says, looking at Zhoumi with a very hurt puppy-dog expression on his face before turning to Ryeowook dismally. "Why am I the only one remotely heterosexual around here?!"
"What, you're still straight? Where have you been all this while?" Donghae jumps in, leaning close to Henry to peer into his eyes very suspiciously, then leans far back with a loud gasp. "Are you an alien, Henli-ah?!"
"DONGHAE. HENLI. INTO MY ROOM. RIGHT NOW," Ryeowook says very loudly and promptly grabs their arms before yanking them out of the room.
Which leaves a very bewildered Zhoumi with a certain groupmate that he hasn't noticed till now was present all this while.
Kyuhyun looks up from the Chinese magazine he was pretending to read. "Good morning to you too, Mimi."
Zhoumi jumps slightly and just gawks at him for several seconds before finally regaining his composure--at least what's left of it. "Don't you 'good morning' me, Kuixian! At least I took the trouble to actually shower and put on clothes before I got here, you...you evil Korean person!"
"Wow, that cuts me so deep," Kyuhyun drawls, closing the magazine and placing it on a nearby table before leaning back comfortably in his seat. "So will you please explain to me why I am such an evil Korean person?"
"I have your name on my butt area!" Zhoumi shrieks, glaring (or attempting to, since when can Zhoumi glare?) at Kyuhyun.
The Korean gazes back at him flatly.
"That isn't new," he finally shrugs. "You told me that yesterday."
"Yeah. I came to your room yesterday to check on you 'cause Geng-ge asked me to, and you told me you got my name tattooed on your ass."
"And you--you actually let it pass?!" Zhoumi gawks again.
Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow, then smirks. "I kinda found it hot."
Zhoumi promptly chokes and for several moments Kyuhyun blinks at him as he coughs hard. "You okay there?" he says, a little more than casually.
"Are you frigging insane? Of course I'm not okay!" Zhoumi wails. "I'm not gay, like Henli said, and I do not need your name permanently etched onto my virgin ass for my future girlfriend--or girlfriends, who cares--to see!"
"Is Kuixian completely a boy's name?" Kyuhyun inquires curiously. "I'm still not sure about that. Well, even if it is, you could always lie and say that your ex-girlfriend was a psycho and tattooed your ass with her scarily boyish name."
Zhoumi shoots him a flinty look. "Har har, that's so witty," he says. "What the heck did we do last night?"
Kyuhyun's little smirk freezes for a second, then very slowly vanishes. "Uh, you wouldn't want to know."
The other stares. "Why? What did we do? Okay, I remember I was drunk, and I suppose that's how I got this stupid tattoo. But were you drunk?"
"Uh, no. That's why you wouldn't want to know," Kyuhyun answers, looking at him with as innocent a look as a snarky magnae like him can manage.
"Say it, Kuixian!" Zhoumi whines, jumping on the balls of his feet. "Say it, say it, say it!"
"Trust me, if you were really straight, you really wouldn't want to know!" Kyuhyun shoots back, starting to grin.
Kyuhyun raises his eyebrows wickedly. "Hm? Do you still want the details? Well, okay, since you're so insistent..."
"No, w-wait, let me just...you--you didn't, did you?" Zhoumi stammers, staring at him with wide eyes. "Oh God, please tell me you did not take advantage of me last night."
Kyuhyun blinks innocently and shrugs. "I might have," he says in a sing-song voice.
"Oh my God, you did not!" Zhoumi wails. "Kuiiiiiiixiaaaaaan! I hate you, I really, really hate you!"
"I'm sorry," Kyuhyun says, but the huge grin on his face is far from apologetic. "That do?"
"I hate you! I'm reporting this to Geng-ge, right now! You raped me!" Zhoumi points at him with a dramatically trembling finger. "In fact, I am going to tell him, like...right this instant! You...you really evil Korean person!"
With one last look of heartbroken betrayal, Zhoumi turns and flees from the room, and Kyuhyun can hear him calling, "Geng-ge! Geng-ge, I really need your help! I have been sexually abused!"
Kyuhyun sighs and takes his Chinese magazine, flipping it open. "Well, I did take advantage of your drunken state, but..." he mutters, an evil little smile on his lips. "Oh, Mimi, if I knew your reaction would be so priceless, I'd tattoo your butt with henna more often while you're drunk."
A/N: LOL is all I can say. Plus, I'm talking about the kind of henna that lasts for about a month or so. xDDD Poor Mimi.